Call the Cops The 27th Most Trusted Site in Public Safety
The Department of Homeland Security has issued an immediate warning to all motorists and cattle haulers. A recent study has presented data that cows are not as docile as previously thought and failure to recognize a change in behavior could be deadly.
For many years our highways have been plagued with police cases of truck drivers that have just disappeared. The only two similarities in all these cases were the following: 1) All hauled cattle 2) All had mechanical issues with the tractor trailer that left them stranded for more than 1 hour.
These similarities prompted a research think tank at Columbia University to begin trying to recreate the events that led up to and was present in these motorist assists to try to uncover the mystery of the missing drivers. Several attempts were made over a period of several weeks with nothing odd noted. It was not until the evening of December 16th 2010 was captured on a security camera on Interstate 74 near Omaha Nebraska that researchers would be stunned at what was recorded.
At approximately 1am a cattle hauler pulls over to the side of the road with apparent mechanical issues. The truck driver is seen attempting to work on the issue under the hood. This continues until 62 minutes into the video. At 62 minutes the truck driver runs from the front of the truck to the rear, unlocks the doors and gets the 30 or so cattle into the median, attempting to ensure there is 4 feet of open area between each one. The cattle are visibly agitated and started bumping into each other. At 66 minutes into the video the truck driver returns to work on the front part of the truck. The cattle continue to bump into each other and start head butting each other. At 72 minutes into the recording all hell breaks loose. The cattle stand up. Yes the cattle stand up. The cattle start boxing each other with their hooves and a large brawl erupts. Cattle are now going berserk and mauling each other. The truck driver gets into the middle of the fight attempting to break it up. It appears one of the cows pull a blade and stabs the driver several times. Another cow climbs up on the tractor and retrieves a 12 gauge shotgun from the driver compartment and starts shooting at cars that pass by. It is clearly visible 3 cows are starting to eat the remains of the truck driver. At 92 minutes the first police units arrive only to find the cattle grazing in the median, no truck driver, and pools of blood and milk.
This security footage was immediately taken to area 51 where extensive testing has occurred over the last few months. The Department of Homeland Security issued this final statement.
It is apparent we have taken the bovine for granted. A species that we only thought of as a source of meat, cheese, and milk is more insidious than originally thought. We have learned cows are capable of learning how to punch, roundhouse kick, operate firearms, and conceal evidence. The National Department of Transportation and OSHA have issued these safety guidelines for cattle haulers:
1) Do not let them stay confined for more than 1 hour.
2) Carry an AR-15 with at least 500 rounds of ammo
3) All cows will wear bells
4) If a cow starts to stand up, aim for the head for a kill shot
5) Never smoke around cattle they are a natural explosive device made of Methane
The National Board of Cattle Hauling Truck Drivers (N.B.C.H.T) issued a statement. As cattle haulers we have always known this to be true. We will no longer have to remain silent about this as it absolutely sounds like the stupidest thing anyone would every think of, but we have the data now to back up our claims and we will not remain silent about homicidal cows.
The National Transportation Safety Board has come out with a new placard for cattle hauling trucks to warn the public of the danger of confined cattle.
If you see this placard on a cattle hauler do not interact with the animals only Federally licensed homicidal cow handlers or a truck driver should handle these dangerous animals. Beef it is no longer just what’s for dinner.
