CDC insider warns Krokodil and other drug outbreaks just a cover-up for Zombie uprising

Last year people the news was buzzing about a drug called Bath Salts. This year the buzz is about a drug called Krokodil. But according to a confidential source the reality is these drugs are a cover up for zombies.


“Krokodil” user actually a Zombie

Legends of zombies, or walking dead, have a long history in various parts of the world were Voodoo is practiced. In more recent years zombies have become a popular horror movie staple due largely in part to the movies made by George Romero. The last few years has seen an explosion of zombie related movies, books, and video games. Allegedly this explosion of zombies in fiction is a clever ruse to desensitize the public to the fact zombies are real.

“Zombies are real. Likely have been real for hundreds of years. The virus that causes this is hard to transmit and is weak enough that most healthy people can fight it and will not become a zombie. But with the increase in global travel we started to see more cases a few decades ago.”

Our source told us all about how in the past small out breaks could be kept under wraps. But with the growth of the Internet keeping zombies secrete is getting harder. Now that social media like Facebook and G+ have become daily destinations keeping the reality of zombies out of the public is impossible.

“We needed a good cover story. We also needed something that would go viral on social media. Crazy drugs that cause people to go nuts was the answer. We started to put out warnings about the drug. Then when that dude in Miami was eating the face of the other guy the news media immediately called it Bath Salts.”

Due to the ubiquity of video and photo uploads the CDC was fearful of the public seeing rotting flesh. That was when Krokodil was invented. Sure enough the news media is filling with cases of people taking the flesh-rotting drug.

Our source at the CDC did emphasize that the likelihood of a Zombie uprising on the order of World War Z is very unlikely. As noted previously the virus does not spread easy. The CDC is also working on anti viral medicines, the idea being to put the anti virus into flu shots. When pressed for details our source did not want to say anything more about super secret vaccination programs.

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