Police Academy turns out next generation of jack booted thugs.

Graduation season is upon us. Colleges, high schools and even police academies are marching their graduates across the stage in graduation ceremonies. For academy graduates this is their first step to becoming public oppressors.

Commandant Eric Lassard addressed the graduating class of recruit school 14-01 yesterday at their commencement ceremony. His remarks will surly be remembered by all the newly minted police officers.

“Today you start the next chapter of your life. You are no longer recruits you are cops. From here on out your only friend is your gun, and only family are your fellow officers.

For the last few months we have taught you to arrest people, to defend your self in a fight and if need be shoot people. Do not let the training go to waste. I implore each and everyone one of you to make it your mission to arrest someone in your first day on the job.

We have equipped you with some of the best tools a police officer has ever carried. Someone give you lip, give them 50,000 reasons to shut up with a zap from the TASER. Some punk kid shoves his camera in your face telling you he is recording this contact. Marinate his face liquid heat out of your OC spray can.

A generation ago we put out a cops who were wimps. All they wanted to do was ride bike patrol and do community policing. This is the era of militarized police. Get out there and show them who the boss is. Talking to the community about feelings will not solve crimes. Cracking the heads of criminals with a PR-24 does.

All right enough with this jaw jacking. Get out on the street and kick some ass!”

To the recruits of class 14-01 and everyone else graduating this fall, the staff at CallTheCops says congratulations.