As reported earlier by Duffelblog.com, a group of WWII vets stormed the WWII Memorial in Washington, DC after being told by Park Police that it was off-limits due to the Federal shutdown.

DC memorial

WWII Memorial Takeover

Defensive positions held by Park Police soon fell to the Motorize Wheelchair Brigade, however the veterans soon found they had an unanticipated ally: Federal Emergency Medical Technicians who were classified as unessential personnel and furloughed by the Government. These EMT’s, bitter after being discarded, mobilized to assist the veterans. “We are used to pushing wheelchairs and stretchers, so it seemed like these vets could use our help” stated EMT Captain Dunsel. He went on to say “As long as I can push a wheelchair, my skills aren’t going to waste”.

The hostages were reportedly being treated by the veterans every bit as well as they themselves are treated by the VA. WWII Vet Karl Agathon, himself no stranger to combat, stated that “We brought plenty of Ensure with us, and we are only to happy to share it with the Jerrys. Agathon reports that they are keeping the prisoners in line by slipping sedatives into their pudding as well. When reporters pointed out that all Porta Johns were chained shut, he asked Agathon how they and their prisoners were handling bodily wastes. Agathon simply gave the cryptic reply “Depends”.

The EMT’s state that they are looking out for the welfare of the veterans, and state while they haven’t harmed any of the prisoners yet, they are not above hitting them with oxygen tanks or threatening to stab them with IV catheters if they make any attempt at escape. EMT’s also state they themselves have called in reinforcements. “We couldn’t find any real law enforcement officers willing to assist us, but we got hold of several security guards who jumped at the chance to do something other than watch overweight women try on bras at the mall” stated Cpt. Dunsel. “These guys are ready to detect, deter, observe and report on any attempts they see at freeing the hostages. They aren’t armed, obviously, but they can stand at an angle and give the impression they have a gun, and that’s good enough” Dunsel went on to say. “They made up an oath, they took it, and we are taking them up on it”.

This reporter spoke with Capitol Police representatives who, when asked to comment on the Veterans taking Park Police officers hostages at the World War II Memorial responded by saying “So?” Any attempts to approach the Veterans for comment was quickly rewarded by reporters being poked at with a cane and told “Get the hell off my yard!”

Public sentiment seems to clearly side with the Veterans. “They served. This memorial was bought and paid for by the blood of them, their friends, and their families.” stated one onlooker. Capitol Police made it clear that they would not interfere with veterans for taking and holding their memorial. When asked about the Park Police officers being held as hostages, officials stated “They should have never tried to stop them in the first place. They got themselves into this mess, they can get themselves out.”

About Zod

Mild-mannered reporter for a great metropolitan newspaper. Fights a never-ending battle for half-truths, disinformation and agitating the dimwitted. Find what I write distasteful? Then get better taste. And remember, it isn't a lie if you believe it.