Gun Buyback Fund Bankrupt From Squirt Gun Loophole

A Police Department’s gun buyback efforts has come to a halt after an unusual loophole was discovered in the official rules governing the program.

The program, which aims to curb the flow of illegal guns into our streets, pays $40 to any citizen wishing to help make the city safer by handing a gun over to police, no questions asked. Since the program began in September of 2008, area law enforcement agencies have reported a dramatic reduction in the number of confiscated crime guns.

But all that changed last week when members of the public discovered an unusual loophole in the official rules governing the program. Written by the city council, the rules did not differentiate between a gun and a firearm, leaving the wording open to broad interpretation.

“We didn’t know quite what to make of it,” said Sgt. Joseph Schmelzenbach, who oversees the program for the city. “This guy just slapped a cheap dollar store squirt gun down on the table in front of us and demanded his $40… and we couldn’t find anything in the rules to argue with him. So we gave him the money.”

Shortly after, news of the loophole spread like wildfire. Within hours the gun buyback fund was completely drained from citizens turning in squirt guns, glue guns some even turned in a staple gun.

“We aren’t sure where the money will come from to continue [the gun buyback program],” said Schmelzenbach. “We likely won’t be able to restart operations until we can get the traffic cops to write more tickets to bring in more revenue.”

City councilmen did not immediately return phone calls and emails requesting comment. A source close to the city council, who asked to remain anonymous because they were not authorized to comment on the matter, stated that the city council is drafting a resolution to close the loophole.

The oft criticized program came under renewed fire from gun rights groups after news of the incident went public. Timothy Anderson, spokesman for the Firearms Freedom Foundation, ignited a social media war after tweeting: “Guns don’t squirt people, people squirt people.”

Management at the local Dollar Store told us they are currently out of stock on squirt guns.

Fact checking for this story provided by Drew Rinella