FIRST ARRIVING NETWORK
First Arriving Network
Powered by the First Arriving Network,Reaching 1M+ First Responders Worldwide

Virgin police officer ruins undercover “happy ending” massages investigation

Officer Andrew Fisher today completely ruined months of work into a local ring of massage parlors rumored to provide “Happy Endings”. The twenty two year old police rookie was picked for this assignment due to being so new on the PD he was not known in the community. But unknown to department administration he was very also sexually naïve.

Massage Parlor Bust

Massage Parlor Bust

The investigation started off normal enough. Officer Fisher went into a local massage parlor to get a massage. When offered a table shower he indicated yes he would like the upgrade. As per normal in there types of investigations on the first trip to the massage parlor Officer Fisher was not asked about any other “extra options”, aka happy ending.

About three days later he retuned to the same massage parlor. Again he was offered a table shower and again he accepted it. His supervisors instructed him to try and make it obvious he was erect when it came time for “the flip”. In massage parlor terms “the flip” is when the back rub is over and they turn you over to do a chest and shoulder rub. This is also the time when the offer of a “Happy ending” will typically take place.

Again Officer Fisher was unable to get the masseuse to offer that extra service.

On his third trip in a few days later he was given one more bit of instruction. He was told as he was being massaged to reach over and try to touch the masseuse’s leg. Gently caress her upper leg and hip, nothing that crosses the line, but something suggestive. He was told again on “the flip” to make sure he turned so the masseuse could see he was erect.

According to his report, soon after he touched her hip she asked if he would like a topless massage. Shortly after she removed her top, she instructed him to flip. Officer Fisher did as the supervisor had told him. She then asked him about his interest in “extras”. She asked him how much he was willing to spend. Officer Fisher told her an amount.

Fisher’s report claims that as soon as she heard that amount she removed her bottoms and made a comment about him getting the full package deal. She climbed up onto the table, while at the same time rubbing massage lotion onto his manhood. Officer Fisher claims before he could register what was going on she was having intercourse with him. Fisher claimed he wanted to stop her, but something prevented him. He then admitted it was his first time, and did not want to let it stop.

Fisher told internal affairs investigators he was home schooled. In college his parents lived close enough to campus that he was a commuter, never living in dorms. He in fact only moved out of his parent’s home a week before his first day on shift. Fisher even admitted that before this day had never even so much as kissed a girl.

City Attorneys are unsure how to proceed with the investigation into the Massage Parlor. Because Fisher did engage in a fully complete act, the department is unable to seek criminal charges. The department was not willing to discuss their plan for what would happen next for either the massage parlor or Officer Fisher.

Comments - Add Yours

  • Robin

    why not execute for this horrific crime ?

  • Pepe99

    Talk about work perks.

  • Bijan Sepehri

    Calling bullshit on this one.

  • hwy505

    LOL – funny!

  • angelvega

    I just got sucked in on a bogus story from a satire website.. Not falling for this one.

  • Jack Adams

    3 “trips”…..My A$$!!!!

About Dumb Cop

Dumb cop is a police officer and formerly was a firefighter. When not harassing people or depriving them of their rights he enjoys trying to get some sleep.