Norfolk Virginia makes cussing a ban-able offense in city limits.

“I have had enough. I can’t walk down the streets anymore without some teenager telling me how I can spend the rest of my day.” Says Ms. Broflovski, Norfolk Virginia Resident and president of a local PTA.“Times have changed and these kids are getting worse. They will not obey their parents and all they want to do is run around cursing and being vial miscreants.”

The issue has gotten so out of hand the parents and Norfolk City Council have decided to seek outside help. Paul Fraim, Norfolk’s mayor, has hired German Electrical Engineer Dr Voskocker. Voskocker has come up with an incredible voice recognition system that will be placed all over Norfolk.

New No Profanity signs going up all over Norfolk.

New No Profanity signs going up all over Norfolk.

This ability has allowed, when combined with an implantable voice identification chip just under the skin in the forehead, to transmit a wireless signal via Bluetooth to one of the six thousand receivers across the city every time an offender uses profanity, to be fined a certain penalty.

“We are currently only implanting these new chips in school children from first to twelfth grade. That way as they grow older the system will be setup and we can live with a smut free city.” The mayor is quoted as saying. “We see this going nation wide and our children will be models of purity in any other city that develops this system.” He continued.

The facts and technical aspects of the Voice Identification Chip(VIC):

  • It will have a range of six miles outside the city limits.
  • Each chip will have a twelve year battery.
  • Waterproof and ready for submersion.
  • The VIC will have an internal memory that can record up to 200 offenses
  • Each chip is approximately 2 inches by 3 inches and rectangle in shape
  • VIC is easily implantable with only one over night stay in the hospital

Consequences of violating the new no profanity law:

  • First offense: fine of an undetermined amount.
  • Second offense: fine of a greater amount and community service
  • Third offense: jail time
  • Fourth offense: banishment from the city where the chip has been implanted (home city)
  • Fifth offense: immediate rejection of entry for any city that has this system installed.

When asked Dr Voskocker about the correlation between this and the movie Demolition Man, the Doctor replied,” Whoa, enhance your calm John Spartan. Ha, I am a really big fan of that movie. One of the prime reasons I came up with this idea. I was sitting alone in the lab during a break watching the movie and I thought, how can I make this real? My phone rang and I answered with one of those Bluetooth ear devices and bam it just hit me. The only issue I had was making the VIC so small that it could easily be implanted into the patient.”

Implantable chips will be ready to go in the spring of 2014, while the infrastructure is being built and implemented now.

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