City cops and firefighters to settle feud with penis measuring contest

Public Safety workers in Verpa are set to end the debate over who the real heroes in the city are. A feud has been brewing in the city for months now after multiple incidents.

In April a squad car was parked blocking a hydrant at a fire scene. Firefighters broke the window and passed the supply line through the squad car.

Soon after that incident firefighters started to get pulled over by police for traffic violations. All traffic stops ended in multiple citations.

By the middle of May firefighters were listening to the police scanner to find out where officer were running RADAR. Department members then started to do hydrant flow testing in the same area making it impossible for the officers to catch speeders.

In response the PD started to go to businesses to warn the owners about the impending “surprise fire inspections”. This gave business owners time to make changes so the fire inspector found no serious violations and could not issue any citations.

Many other personal pranks have been pulled between individual members of both departments.

The feud has reached a point that city manager, Mary Dolata, has called for a winner takes all contest to end this fight. “These boys are trying to play a game of one-upmenship that is noting more than figuratively proving who has the bigger genitals. So I said lets find out who does have the biggest tool.”

During the city’s Fourth of July celebration male employees of both departments will measured by a panel of judges picked form the local community. The measurements will be tallied and an average size for each department will be calculated.

“The department with the largest average size will be crowed the winner. Once that is done we will put an end to this prank war for good.”